My growing up years with my dad were often filled with tension and deep pain.
Undoubtedly, my dad suffered from what we now call PTSD from his harrowing experiences before and during WWII. He grew up the oldest of 8 in an era of rigid, strict expectations for children, and eldest sons particularly. There were also the financial pressures from the Dutch Great Depression and worker’s riots, numerous fascist movements emerging and undercurrents of war across the continent.
But, thankfully, because I clearly saw failings in myself, there was a desire to better understand my dad! Going back to visit my father’s home in the Netherlands (Holland) after his death was surely a part of the healing I’d longed for. This story is the story of many – no matter what era we live in time. When we dig deeply to find the answers of who our fathers were and why, sometimes those answers unbelievably tell us about ourselves and our Heavenly Father.
“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” ~Psalm 143: 5
After my dad went to be with the Lord (2010), our family (my husband, myself and our teenage children) went to his home country of the Holland to walk the paths he biked, see his childhood home, and for me, to revisit some of the places I spent time as a girl of 11.
As we all must make sense of things in our lives, I continue to ponder all dad gave our family in the way of a heritage, both the good and the not so good.
The House My Dad Grew Up In
My father’s boyhood home in Ubachsberg, Holland reflects the style of dwellings in that part of the country. Now… And then…
My dad is with his mother and the next two oldest in 1927 (the release of Adolf Hitler’s book Mein Kampf was 1923). Back then, Ubachsberg was a rural village with a church, a few stores, and a small bank.
It was here that the expanding family of 8 children grew all their own food, raised geese, chickens, and a pig for meat, had a cow for milk, grew flowers for the table, kept a small stable, and ran a small vintner business bottling and selling wine in the brick cellar.
Everyone drank wine because they couldn’t trust the water; “Water is for bathing,” said my father.
But it was my father’s relationship with his dad that holds the key to my dad’s relationship with me and my siblings, as it often does.
I have come to know that my grandfather could be a demanding, austere man. Since my father was the oldest son, he was expected to make something of himself – to carry the family name. They urged him to go to seminary, but he was caught smoking cigarettes once enrolled and expelled, deeply disappointing them. They called him the black sheep of the family. He left home at 17 and became active in the underground network as threats of war pushed across Europe.
The War Years: Courage, Providence and Escape
Through the years I’ve been able to hear bits and pieces of the many incredible stories of my father’s early years after leaving home. His fascinating story, or rather multiple stories, are what page-turners are made of – but I share only a few snippets.
The daring stories my mom unfolded to us (when my father couldn’t talk of the past) spoke beautifully of God’s care, directing the lives of men in the midst of great evil and danger. My father also made lifelong friends with those who lived through it.
Five of these men were like brothers and wrote to each other until they died!
In the ensuing years we learned details about my father’s service in the Dutch and French Underground. He spent several months in a jail after he was caught and several years in a prisoner-of-war camp (Citadel of Besançon) where he was the only one in the group of his friends who was not shot by firing squad.
We sat spellbound listening to details of dad’s desperate escape from a train en route to another POW camp and the injuries he sustained as he jumped that train as it left the station. His life was saved by Madame Zeyer (below) and her trusted underground resistance connections. As a young woman Mdme. Zeyer was the personal secretary to a German General. Her life was extremely dangerous, because she was really an Allied spy helping Dutch servicemen escape. She falsified their papers and connected them with resistance people who could get them out of France and then on to America through Spain or Switzerland. Once in America, dad joined the Royal Netherlands Air Force for training as a navigator in Jackson, Mississippi. It so happened the Dutch were also fighting a war of their own in the Dutch East Indies, and dad was sent to Borneo to be stationed there for a time.
God’s hand was at work all along the way guiding my father and placing him with just the right people at the right place and time. The Lord used every event to shape him as a man, including my grandmother’s prayers for him.
Just knowing Dad’s difficult past has given me a different perspective and a greater ability to forgive.
How my dad must have bled under the sharp, critical tongue of his father. How hard it must have been for him to trust a heavenly father if that’s what ‘fathers’ were like. How hard to not know stability in a constantly shifting world at war. My father’s civilian work at the time I was born was of a government/military project development nature helping in the cold war effort (sonar and locking-on radar devices for heat-seeking missiles). He personally held only 2 patents that were unclassified, and dozens more are still classified to this day.
But God did a miracle.
After all these years, how I love and miss my dad!
I’ve come to terms with the man he was and with the pain. I chose instead to think on the man he became by the mercy and grace of Jesus.
Dad came to know Jesus in his early 70s, and our family watched him gradually become a gentle, more considerate man. We and our children will never forget ‘Opa’ and the lessons he taught with his life.
I praise and thank God my dad finished well.
“Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations; ask your father, and he will show you, your elders, and they will tell you.” ~Deut. 32: 7
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11
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Rachel @ day2dayjoys
Jacqueline, thank you for inviting me, I believe you have before but I was super busy! I am so glad you were impressed with the article. How can we teach people now and generations to come that YOU are in charge of your health, not what someone says or tells you to do. I hope the article can encourage some of your readers!
Jacqueline
it is my prayer that many families will see the truth of what your husband wrote! We are so easily swayed (influenced through media) and let others make up our minds for us. May it not be so!!
MIRIAM LUIZA
Que linda a História do seu pai! Deus sempre o guardou em todas as fases difíceis da vida que ele passou. Lindo postagem. Abraços!
What a beautiful history of his father! God has always kept it in all the difficult phases of life which he passed. Beautiful post. Hugs!
Julianne
Wow, what a special blessing to be able to travel to your father’s home. I love all the pictures you shared! I remember before my grandmother passed away 2 years ago my family would always go to her house every Sunday after church for dinner, my favorite thing to do was to look through all her photo albums she had made from when she was a child herself to all of us kids growing up. I miss those days, but am so blessed to have those memories.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Jenna
Stopping by from Raising Homemakers. This is so great that you got to go see these places and that you are familiar with his story. My mom made me two books for Christmas a couple of years ago that contain the family history on both sides of our family for several generations, including what pictures she could find. I’ve enjoyed reading it and would love to go to some of the places my ancestors walked!
Faythe @ GrammyMouseTails
That had to be an exciting adventure to see the real “roots” of your family. such beautiful buildings too. so many today have forgotten what it was like to grow your own food and survive on what you could make or trade for. thanks for taking us to Holland!
(I got my text log for ‘blogs to read’ (on left) working correctly and your latest post will always show; I also got your button for Encourage one another over on the right side to bring you some attention , hugs~)
Sarah Mendenhall
thank you for sharing! I love hearing such personal tidbits about peoples lives, i.e the part about them having to drink wine! who knew! Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday! 🙂
This Good Life
Dear Jacqueline,
So wonderful to read your reflections on your dear, brave father – from my home country, no less!
May his memory be for a blessing!
Blessings,
This Good Life
Mrs. T.
What a lovely post! What beautiful places to visit and how very exciting to be invited in by the current owners! And to hear first hand accounts of the underground and WW II…I wish I could have been there! You have a rich heritage. I could listen to people’s family histories forever…everyone has an interesting history, and to see God in it all gives such hope for future generations, doesn’t it!?
Amy
What a wonderful post. I enjoy reading about histories such as this, and I know you must have enjoyed travelling to these places.
Sorry to link up a little late – I had a cold earlier this week. But I do thank you for inviting me!
Jacqueline
Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words! We really have been blessed with a sweet heritage, but the best thing is how the Lord worked to change my dad into the man he became. The truth is that we do become a ‘new creation’…’the old things pass away, all things are made new’. I can not doubt that Jesus does what He said He would do…my father’s life was a testimony of that.
Amy W.
I enjoyed reading this post. What fun that must have been to visit you father’s childhood home! Did you grow up in Holland until you were 15 or did you live there when you were 15? It is always wonderful to learn about people’s lives and all that the Lord did in and through them. Thanks for sharing the photos and memories.
Blessings!
~Amy
Carol
Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories about your family – grandmother, mother and father. I know there is hope being unequally yoked myself. It is very challenging and humbling. The generations to come are my concern. God is faithful.
Jacqueline
Dear Carol,
You are welcome 🙂
Trust that He is faithful and loving. Pray for them by name. Humble intercessory prayer brings us into the throne room of Christ, and He does hear our cries. While we will not always know the outcome of His plan (Hebrews 11: last verse), still we can be faithful to trust Him anyway!
Jill York
I absolutely love this! What a great testimony of redemption. ❤️
Jacqueline
Aw Jill. Thank you! I almost scrapped the post bc I didn’t think any would be interested.. praise God!
Busy Mom in Alabama
My father in law had a very similar story from Vietnam. But God’s Grace extended to him and we enjoyed “papa” the last 15 years we had with him. He was sorrowful for the pain of alcohol and divorce which he left his family but just like yours his father was tough. He never heard the words “I love you” until the day his father died. God is faithful to redeem what the locust have eaten! Praise Him we can have a different story. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!
Jacqueline
Hi, Busy Mom! I believe the Vietnam War was worse on the soldiers than WWII, don’t you? The political climate, the ambivalence of the leadership and the sour attitudes of people fed by the media when they returned must have been so disheartening! My heart goes out to these men who were fighting for their country and loved their country only to find that they were scum and outcasts when they came home. How disillusioned they must be! Thank you for sharing that. We Have a great and mighty Lord who is strong to save! God bless you, friend! J
Jane
I live in Voerendaal next to Ubachsberg. I sent you photo of your family home taken yesterday I sent it to your email address (info@…)
What a small world.
Jacqueline
Aww, Jane, that is so kind!! Did the espaliered pear trees have their harvest of pears hanging yet? Thank you!! I have been in Voerendaal several times driving through!! <3
Kat Courtland
Our former neighbor was a WW2 hero, a pilot shot down over southern France after DDay. He put on parachute in midair after plane exploded. Three soldiers survived and French Underground helped them survive 3 months till they got rescued. He lived to be 101 (died last year) and was a wonderful husband, father & neighbor: William (Bill) Massey from Birmingham AL.
I also had a friend whose father was in Med School in Poland. German soldiers lined them up and shot every other one, including his two best friends. Dr Eisen made it to USA and finished his MD in the US military, but the trauma caused him a lot of issues. He never spoke of it.
Jacqueline
Kat, I can’t even imagine what these survivors went through.
The 2 you shared about and those who held on till their lives were snuffed out.
My biggest prayer is that many called on the name of the Lord Jesus as they died (or prepared to die), so they could have eternal life.
We have so much to be thankful for, but we all really need to prepare our hearts as the freedoms we have known will likely be gone soon.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Sending peace,
Jacque
Barbara A. Hill
Thank you for sharing your experiences. My mother’s two brothers were in POW camps, one in Stalag Germany and one in Italy, and both survived by the Grace of God. Their mother was deeply spiritual and always prayed for their protection.
To this day, I feel her Spiritual Strength is the seed of many generations of Spirituality in our family. Thanks again for re-kindling these memories.
Jacqueline
Yes, Barbara, we must never underestimate the power of prayer when focused solely on the Lord!
Blessings,
Jacqueline
Pat
Thank you, Jacqueline, for sharing your story. It helps me understand my own father, who was not a good husband or father. His mother died shortly after he was born and his father at the age of 8. He had a wicked stepmother, and soon after his father died, his two older brothers took him and his sister from school. He ended up with his grandmother and aunt in a different state, who raised him. He never talked about any of this, and I only learned about it from his older brother when I visited him years later.
Knowing what I do now, about boys raised without their fathers, I understand more about his character. He left us when I was 14 years old, and I only saw him 3 or 4 times after that. He got an annulment, despite being married for 16 years with 3 children, so that he could marry his second wife in the Catholic church. To him, we didn’t exist. I forgave him years ago, for my own sake, but he never expressed remorse or asked for forgiveness. He professed to be a Christian or my mother would never have married him, but he didn’t act like one who had surrendered to Christ. I pray that he’s in heaven, but I don’t have that assurance.
Jacqueline
Pat, what a tragic story. I am so thankful you were able to forgive and move on. Thank you for sharing here. Hugs to you, friend. ~Jacque
Pat
Thank you Jacque.
Pat